The Thing About Marriage
One night you just realized how awful it is to be in a contract for life. You care for someone even if he or she doesn't think about you. The thing about marriage is that you have to cope up with everything it gives you -- even the shitty ones. Some would easily advice you to step out. If you don't like being there, why do you stay? But where actually is the exit in this thing? When do you really say I give up?
Last night was the last stroke of understanding and patience I had with my husband. He wasn't abusive or anything like that. In fact, he never laid a hand on me. He was even more careful in speaking words to me than I was to him. But what he lacks in physical or verbal abuse, he was full in being lazy and self-centered. The last one is more of thinking of his own sake no matter what. He quit jobs before and passed full responsibility on my shoulders. I didn't complain. I understood why he did it. But if I were in his situation, I won't be able to quit easily. I always think of the future of my family. And so last night he went out to see his friend. What's supposed to be a quick catch up ended until 2:00am. I hated waiting. But what I hated most is being taken for granted. So when he finally came home, I asked where he'd been and why he came home very late. After getting his answers I slapped him in the face. I quickly walked out and went to bed crying. I wasn't crying because I love him. I was crying because I was so mad at him. I was full of anger and I just wasn't able to control it last night.
I always wake up forgiving after being so mad. But I brushed off the idea of forgiveness today. I just feel like I have been betrayed over and over again. I can't even cry right now while I'm typing this. I don't know how I should feel.
Last night was the last stroke of understanding and patience I had with my husband. He wasn't abusive or anything like that. In fact, he never laid a hand on me. He was even more careful in speaking words to me than I was to him. But what he lacks in physical or verbal abuse, he was full in being lazy and self-centered. The last one is more of thinking of his own sake no matter what. He quit jobs before and passed full responsibility on my shoulders. I didn't complain. I understood why he did it. But if I were in his situation, I won't be able to quit easily. I always think of the future of my family. And so last night he went out to see his friend. What's supposed to be a quick catch up ended until 2:00am. I hated waiting. But what I hated most is being taken for granted. So when he finally came home, I asked where he'd been and why he came home very late. After getting his answers I slapped him in the face. I quickly walked out and went to bed crying. I wasn't crying because I love him. I was crying because I was so mad at him. I was full of anger and I just wasn't able to control it last night.
I always wake up forgiving after being so mad. But I brushed off the idea of forgiveness today. I just feel like I have been betrayed over and over again. I can't even cry right now while I'm typing this. I don't know how I should feel.
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