Letting go of the bad feelings

Have you ever had those days when you just really feel like your burdens are too heavy and no one is there to help you out? It started with a day full of tasks to finish and kids that needed undivided attention. When nighttime came, I was expecting a "rub in the neck" but I didn't get it. And I nurtured that bad feeling throughout the days that followed. I felt like the only way to get even with life is to escape from all of my duties as a mother and a wife. But I was wrong.

I was in search of inspiration thoughts, of quotations about life being unfair, and I just couldn't connect with any them. I seek for articles about relationships (with your children and with your spouse) but they just made me feel like my situation is hopeless. I forgot to pray. In my head I was complaining a lot that I forgot to slow down, take a deep breath, and bow down. It's so easy to give in to this kind of temptation: keeping the anger in your heart. If I'm mad it's hard for me to start a conversation, to hug my daughters, to understand my role in life.

But keeping the bad feelings is exhausting. I noticed myself feeling weak whenever I wake up in the morning and lazy in starting to do my chores. With a bad start, I saw my whole day crumbling into pieces and it just added to the bad feelings I already have inside. I know I got to stop this.

It took some time before I saw a post in Instagram that I can totally relate into. This must be God's message to comfort me.

"How can evil conquer us? It begins in our mind. Anger has a way of stewing inside and then it finally erupts. Quick judgement of others begins as a seed in our thoughts that grows into distaste for another. Envy and jealousy begin in the mind as well. This passage tells us the key to overcoming evil is by doing good. Doing good comes from a thought but are acted on. If you feel your thoughts beginning to be critical, angry, or envious, stop them by responding with a loving action. You can conquer everything with good."

I highlighted the part that really struck me. Why welcome such negative thoughts with open arms and push away happy thoughts coming my way? My eldest daughter is a hugger. She tried so many times this past few days to give me lots of hugs and kisses but I often didn't give them back. She would wake up every morning with a happy face and say "Good morning!" to me but I would just smile back at her. But when I started to hug them back, shower them with kisses, and greeted them with a huge smile in my face, my heavy heart started to throw away those unwanted luggage. Also, I realized that I have listed our daily schedule in my head but it didn't include a prayer time. Prayer time for me allows me to take a step back from what happened the entire day and see what I have accomplished and where I can improve more. I hope to respond more with a loving action whenever my thoughts are beginning to be negative.